


fuck it

by dudeass



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Addiction, Aged-Up Peter Parker, Angst, Drug withdrawl, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Hurt Peter Parker, Lots of Angst, M/M, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, Quarantine, Spider-Man: Homecoming Compliant, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Underage Drug Use, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, author projecting a little cus they cant afford a therapist rn, first work in this fandom, for drama purposes, he's 17, peter deserves teen drama
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-20
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:35:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23225659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dudeass/pseuds/dudeass
Summary: why does peter always choose the worst hills to die onaka peter is sad and drugs are cool
Relationships: Harley Keener/Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, harley kenner & peter parker
Comments: 31
Kudos: 131





	1. we all like nice things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pete fucks up but get use to it

peter liked beautiful things. he liked those nice bowls that ned had at his house. they had pretty designs and they weren't six-month-old plastic takeout containers that he was expected to eat cereal out of. he also liked the toilet paper that may stole from work. the thick kind. the one with the little swirls.

he especially liked the really nice medal he got when he won the science fair junior year. thick quilts and furry rugs. tall doors and big windows. those were always fun to stick to. he liked all these things.

peter was SURE he liked nice things....so why the fuck was he in a dirty sweatshirt in a dirty alley buying drugs from the dirtiest dude he'd ever met? why the fuck did he keep rubbing his ear? why the fuck did his phone keep vibrating in his pocket and how the fuck was he suppose to do his AP physics work?

in hindsight maybe drugs, when paired with his current anxiety, wouldn't be a good combo but honestly, peter was never one for games. go big or go home. if he was gonna fuck up his life he was gonna at least have some sort of release while doing it.

he juggled between swinging home or taking the train. the streets were dark but people were still aimlessly wandering. some looking for trouble. others looking for quiet in a world that never shut the fuck up. if he was the smart, responsible, respectable, and selfless gentleman everyone believed him to be then pete would still be on patrol - something he hadn't been on in god knows how long. 

it wasn't too hard of a choice. the subway was filthy and smelled bad on most days but it allowed him to take the benzo burning a hole into his pocket. 

drugs were greedy but oh so deserving. he'd spent years upon years trying to use academia and gaming and tech and star wars to quiet the blaring voice in his head. drugs helped immediately and they didn't require much from him in terms of thinking or labor. no, they gave him euphoria and stillness and he gave them everything in return allowing them to take away not just the loud voice but his conscience too. probably his humanity. he still hadn't decided if that was a bad thing though. things were easier this way.

he could condense six hours into 20 minutes. things that usually irritated him to wits end were manageable. even better they were ignorable. and it felt fucking good too. scarily enough as good as the feelings star wars or a pat on the back use to give him. 

groan. he felt the sun trying to burn through his eyelids. sun. sun? peter opened his eyes and looked around. he was still on the train but what once had been occupied by peter, a homeless dude, and a pregnant lady was filled with people in suits and ties. the lunch crowd. FUCKKKKKKKKK. he'd been out all night and morning. if two old people hadn't been in his vicinity he would've screamed out of pure frustration and helplessness. he pulled his phone out. 29 texts. 31 missed calls.

 **2 missed calls from may** 💞💃

[Sat 12:20 p.m.]  **may** 💞💃

Peter you hav five seconds to get home ASAP!

No patrolling this early remember? If you can’t keep your promises then curfew will be adjusted accordingly.

[Sat 12:42 p.m.]  **may** 💞💃

Grouded.

*Grounded. 

**4 missed calls from may** 💞💃

[Sat 12:46 p.m.] **n** **erd** 🤠👾🤖

dude wtf

may just called my mom asking abt u

she thot u came over tonite 

wya???!??!?!?!!?

[Sat 12:52 p.m]  **may** 💞💃

If you’re at the compound asleep at least tell me before you go so that I know you’re safe.

**13 missed calls from may** 💞💃

[Sat 1:28 p.m]  **may** 💞💃

Just spoke to Tony.

Come home NOW!

**2 missed calls from mr. 🤖**

[Sat 1:22 p.m.] **n** **erd** 🤠👾🤖

peter!

this isn’t funny 

may wants to call the cops 

please text me text her text someone 

b4 u end up on CNN tonite

and u know they’ll use ur yearbook pic from freshman year 

[Sat 1:30 p.m]  **may** 💞💃

No phone. No TV. No computer for anything other than work. No sleepovers nothing. I mean it peter. This is oe of the most irresponsible things youve ever done and the fact that you won’t even respond is even more disrespectful.

I’ve been very understanding of this new stuff and I’m trying but you can’t take advantage of my trust and love for you anymore.

You come and go as you please. I understand that you’re out doing good but I need you too. 

Please come home. 

**7 missed calls from may** 💞💃

[Sat 1:45 p.m.] **n** **erd** 🤠👾🤖

peter.

im really scared right now i don’t know if you’re doing super secret hero stuff or asleep 

or went over to chill with the avengers or if you’re 

with may on punishment idk

pls b ok

and 

pls text me 

love u 💓

**3 missed calls from mr. 🤖**

fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fUCK. how the hell had he blacked out on the subway for hours?! peter squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his back violently against the seat. 

_god if you're listening please don't let me have a panic attack on the fucking train please god_

_"_ are you okay?' a voice next to him asked. "you've been knocked out for a while.."

peter tensed up immediately alarmed by the fact that he hadn't realized someone had been sitting beside him this whole time. when he looked at him, peter tensed even more. fuck. fuckk. but not panic attack fuck. just the person im looking at is violently gorgeous to the point where i dont know if i should keep looking or if ive looked enough kind of fuck. after staring at him with a dumbfounded look for who knows how long (8 long ass seconds) peter realized the boy was actually talking to him. 

" -there someone i can call? where are you trying to go?" 

peter stood up trying to muffle out his anxiety.

"i'm fine just...long day but thanks for the concern. you must not be from here."

"haha yeah definitely not a new yorker. anywa-" the train stopped and everyone started getting off and piling in. 

peter would feel bad about just leaving during their conversation later. now he had bigger problems.

he was pretty sure that he would be grounded for life if he didn't get home in the next 5 minutes not that he was even close. somehow he had ended up all the way in manhattan and even though it was risky to swing without his suit, he didn't have much of a choice. with that said, pete pulled up his hood and ducked into an alley. fuck it.


	2. mf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wrote this chapter then it deleted so the rewrite is extra angsty and was 100% birthed out of unfiltered rage

getting his phone taken wasn't the worst punishment in the world. peter was a genius for christ sake with a superhero alter ego. what did suck was getting it looked through. 

how the fuck do you even begin to explain your lack of texts (peter stayed vigilant at all times) or your shitposts or your my eyes only (horrifying dick pics that did NOT belong to peter) to a 46-year-old woman who was there when you were born? 

fuck that. phone checks only meant you could somehow be in MORE trouble than you currently were in but also be forced to feel shame if you didn't already. so yeah, peter was currently sat on his bed contemplating whether or not to slip into a depression coma for the rest of the weekend.

pros? he could binge watch that show that mj kept threatening him about-elite-and he could probably make may feel bad enough to just leave his phone on his desk before monday. cons? he still had fucking work to do and he was one wrong move away from losing door privileges.

work it was- AP physics. it was unsurprisingly easy even in his post drug haze post just got yelled at pre im gonna lay in my bed for 12 hours straight state. what was surprising was the fact that he still cared about work. retain your weird fucking obsession with academia wasn't exactly part of the new drug addict starter pack.

see peter could get away with putting on the suit twice a week and just fucking around in it. probably taking a nap or something. he could NOT get away with grades under an 85. that was his tell. one fuck up and he'd be in the counselor's office having his knee rubbed and being asked if everything was fine at home. fuck that too. so yeah peter was gonna do that mf work.

when he finished, he snuck into the kitchen and grabbed one of those rice cakes that may took to work then immediately ran back to his room. maybe may would forget that he had his laptop if he stayed completely out of sight? as if she would even be up. she was probably asleep considering she worked night shift saturdays, tuesdays, and fridays. a blessing in disguise.

before peter knew it he was waking up to the sound of episode 7 playing and voices filtering in through his door. he closed his eyes again for 2 more minutes to just compose himself for the shitstorm that would be dinner. may was still mad at him and he still didn't have a good excuse for where he'd been. patrol? he tried. fucking mr. stark had checked the recent activity on his suit. last active thursday.

so basically peter was suspicious, screwed, sober, and seeking cremation.

mr.stark came for dinner. mr.stark never came for dinner. in fact peter had only seen him twice in the last three months for suit upgrades. fuck him. fuck him for being so easy to idolize and fuck him for being funny one minute and mean the next. with that being said, mr.stark did not come over for dinner. he especially did not bring pretty boys that peter ran in to? what the fuck. 

"hey underoos. this is harley." tight lipped smile from mr.stark. shy nod from subway dude. harley.

dinner party from hell started and stayed weird. may was in her scrubs n ponytail you know the works. she grinned as she served salmon and mashed potatoes that she clearly did not cook. she grinned as she handed peter his water. good news for him but he still didn't trust it. may was sweet and definitely more lenient than she should've been but she wasn't an idiot. he wasn't off the hook that quick and he knew it.

harley just stared. at peter. at their cheap-ass plates. at the embarrassing wall that may had started to paint red then never finished. mr.stark looked at peter too but they weren't shy glances shot at peter whenever he looked away. no. these were long ass you're in trouble what the hell is wrong with you im eating right now but could and would shove my foot up your ass if given the chance looks.

to sum it up he was scared. would mr. stark announce to peter that he'd been getting cute subway boy to follow him for the last 3 months and now he'd finally gathered enough evidence to expose him as a 17 year old barely functional high school junkie loser who was throwing away his potential and disappointing all the people that cared about him? hopefully not.

after dinner, they gathered in the living room. it was weird. mr.stark cleared his throat and shifted on the couch.

"so basically harley's my son."

whiplash.

of course. of fucking course of course the fucking gorgeous dude peter had woken up to on the dirty ass fucking train would be the son of tony stark his weird mentor/idol/fucking wannabe deadbeat dad of course shit like this had to happen to peter. 

the room was quiet enough to hear a pin drop. he could feel all of them looking at him expectantly.

"he just came to live with me. that's why things have been so busy but now that we're situated i would love if you came ove..."

peter stopped listening. so this _harley_ was the reason why he'd basically gotten radio silence which hurt because he had genuinely thought...

_god if you're listening it's peter. please don't let me start hyperventilating on this fucking couch please god._

he felt it immediately. spidey sense going crazy. peter wanted to throw up. it felt like a rock was sitting right in his stomach. tight chest. he forced himself to get a grip. to stop visibly shaking.

"harley's actually gonna be going to midtown so you guys can really look out for each other and everything will just be easier for hap-"

"i have to use the bathroom."

just like that peter wrenched himself off the couch and stumbled down the hall. he could faintly her may calling his name as he slammed his door shut. 

peter stared at the two little pills in his hand. fished right out from under his pile of dirty clothes. don’t judge. he hadn’t had the time to really think anything through while simultaneously trying to save his ass.

he didn't even know what the hell it was but with the way his hands shook? he sent a quick prayer before wiping away tears that were cooling on his face. 

see NOW would be the time for pretty face to bust into his room and tell him something really poetic and sweet that would actually make peter impressed and genuinely intrigued enough to begin his journey to sobriety.

_1 mississippi 2 mississippi 3 mississippi...._

nothing happened. lmao fuck it. peter grabbed his stapler off his desk (surprisingly good at grinding up/beating the shit out of the pills until they turned snortable also inconspicuous) and the dollar bill in his bag. 

outside he heard may speaking. probably apologizing for him. then the door opened. oh yes. may had to go to work... meaning mr.stark and his fucking kin had to get the hell out.

fuck yes. god worked in mysterious ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> still tryna figure out the speed i wanna go with this so there's not much action yet. i feel like peter deserves teen angst u know? i also DESERVE to project since my therapist canceled. thanks rona.


	3. we're ALL struggling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> drink every time we say fuck mr. stark

he couldn't believe how much time had passed in retrospect. three straight months of xans and valium and vicodin and roxicet an- it didn't matter. peter would take anything as long as it wasn't meth, heroin, or coke. yes, drug addict with a moral high ground. 

he'd seen addicts. it was fucking new york. shit he made fun of them. everyone did. it was nothing to just throw around _crackhead_ as a joke. they wandered around like zombies and if he happened to save one of them from getting hit by a car or worse then for a second he could actually feel good about himself and what he chose to do in his free time. sick but true.

he could feel like somehow he was okay. shit at least he wasn't stumbling around the bronx ready to go chop his arm off for just one more hit. peter WAS a superhero for christ sake. he was faster, stronger, smarter so yeah a couple pills were fine. he was winning this battle. he hadn't won many in the pa-

_**shut up. god. woe is me. you're not in a fucking movie. get off the floor before may gets home. or don't. let her come find you trying to recover from a high so that she can really see you for who you are. oh dude ben must be so fucking proud. SOO fucking proud. ready to crawl out of his watery grave just to pat you on the back. right? isn't that what you want peter? huh? shut the fuck up. fucking idiot.**_

_1 missisippi 2 missisippi 3 missisippi..._

he forced himself up from his fetal position on the floor. it was dark but the streetlight outside his window and the light bleeding in under his door helped. he sat for a second before crawling over to his bed and opening up his laptop. the elite episode had been paused. he squinted at the time.

**Sun 5:23 a.m.**

fuck. he'd been out of it since...

since the starks had dropped by and fucked up the little self esteem he had left. only him. only peter could still be so disposable even as a fucking meta-human? whatever. fuck mr.stark. period.

mr.hey kiddo here's a new suit! come fight captain america with me! hey good job saving my stuff! sorry you almost died! wanna be an avenger? no? ok well fuck you for the next three months! oh and don't call happy! he'll be a dickhead about the whole situation! and if you come to the tower i'll make you leave! oh also i'm gonna be mad at you for staying out late and making your aunt contact me! stop disrupting my life! also here's my son! fucking stark.

ugh. peter forced himself from the floor onto his bed. his legs felt like jelly. after closing the laptop, he wrapped himself in his sheets. 

may eventually came home. he heard her putting her stuff away. when she finished, she came to his door. it was locked so she just kind of hovered before leaving. that made him feel bad. he waited until he felt solid before unlocking it and slinking into her room. walk of shame.

may had changed into some sweats and a sweatshirt that peter knew belonged to ben. fuck. make hard conversations harder.

he cleared his throat to get her attention. when she noticed him, for some reason he wanted to cry? get it together. 

"i-"

"come here." may said before crawling under the covers. 

he came to lay next to her but kept his eyes strictly on the ceiling. he would not cry. he would not accidentally say something that he didn't mean. he would not scare her by saying how he felt.

she started by touching his hair. "i love you peter. i would do anything for you. if you were ever to...leave for good i wouldn't know what to do with myself."

oh fucking hell. he squeezed his eyes shut. she was really gonna kill him with kindness? really? 

"baby i was so scared. i can't. i can't do it again." he heard her sniffle before continuing, "i can't sit at your funeral and hear people tell me how strong i am so wherever you went? i don't care. promise to always come back."

"i promise. i swear. sorry." 

it didn't feel like enough but he couldn't spill everything to her. not now. not after she'd just made him promise not to fucking die so instead he moved onto his side and allowed her to go back to petting his hair. they stayed like that until she spoke again.

"give harley a chance. he's nice. he's lonely. that's why tony brought him to meet you. he knows how you are. how warm you can make people feel. be patient."

peter tried to listen to may. he really did. he felt inspired and guilted into trying to do and be better. 

he went to school. he tried to respond to all the questions ned asked. 

they were mostly lies but...oh well. the guilt didn't last too long. he wasn't going to tell precious sheltered mom friend ned about drugs. ned who could confidently say that his parent's divorce when he was in 7th grade had been his most traumatizing experience to date. ned whose mom was a fucking lawyer. no. peter wasn't playing the struggle olympics BUT listen ned just wasn't coming close. at all.

mj maybe. she never slept over. most of the time she was on babysitting duty or arguing with her mom. he'd never forget the night they'd come back to hers after school.it was just them. he'd only been in her apartment like twice but it was intense. someone was yelling. someone was crying. junk filled the hallway. clothes, toys, boxes. peter wasn't one to judge. he actually liked it. he liked homes that sounded like homes and looked like homes. 

anyway mj lead him to her room. she brought snacks and they eventually started on homework then everything went to shit. her mom came home. she busted in yelling about dishes and the fact that mj's youngest sister hadn't been bathed. she then noticed peter. thats when shit got weird.

he'd never met her mom so he tried to introduce himself and somehow lessen the tension.

"hi im peter. me and mj we both go to midtown..."

ms. jones moved further into the room and smiled. 

"michelle? don't worry about sasha. you guys just do whatever you were doing. let me know if you're sleeping over pete or if you're hungry or whatever. anything. i mean it. okay well i love you mj and im so proud." 

she then left.

yes, that was weird. but what was weirder? mj was fuming. peter couldn't exactly read a room sometimes but he could feel the shift.

before he knew it she had slammed her pencil down and stalked out of her room not once acknowledging peter. she barely shut the door behind her. he tried not to listen as her and her mom began to argue but maslow's hierarchy of needs really isn't that interesting. the house was suddenly quiet. spidey sense going off.

"that's all it took huh? all i had to do was bring a guy home for you to actually be fucking proud of me right? god imagine if i fucked him. would you go buy me a car?"

"watch your damn mouth michelle! i don't know who the hell you're speaking to but don't make a mistake and mess yourself up just because you have company. get out of my face little girl before i really give you something to cry about."

"you're so fucking... im GAY mom! yes! im a fucking lesbian and no camp that you send me to or fucking prayer or BOY that i bring home is gonna change that. sorry. are you still fucking proud?" 

what happened next made peter physically sick if he thought about it too much. 

SMACK! 

mj let out a wail. he barely registered that his feet had started to move. fucking hero complex. 

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" he screamed at her mom.

ms. jones scoffed and let out a laugh. he imagined how he probably looked. 5'8. red faced. white boy. clearly had skipped dinner too many times.

he wished he had his suit. god if he had his suit. he just fucking.. 

mj was crying. her mom had left to smoke a cigarette. he could hear her still ranting, saying things along the lines of _this is my motherfucking house! i pay the bills! i put food on the table! cuss at me?! because you wanna be a fucking dyke?!_

he clenched his fist. was he really about to beat up a 43 year old? get a grip peter. he looked away from the door that she had left through and noticed mj now up on her feet. she pressed her hand against where she got hit.

"go home." 

she sounded desperate but he still wanted to stay. fight her mom if she came back. comfort mj. ask her why she hadn't told him she was gay.

she pointed her finger at him."get the fuck out of my house peter." and that was that.

they didn't speak about it but mj brought him cookies the next day. truce. he knew just off that alone that if he had to tell anyone, it would be her.

anyway, yeah peter was trying. for may. he wasn't going sober but he was definitely gonna tighten up. 

it was friday. the week had breezed by. lunch was disgusting as usual. casserole. ned was talking. mj was texting. peter was sulking. he was also out of pills and had i kid you not 55 cents to his name. he was sure his card would get declined at the vending machine if he even tried getting a bag of chips. 

"my mom said you could come over this weekend. we might go to the movies." ned said as he handed peter his orange.

"that sounds cool." his brain scrambled to think of an excuse. "i don't know though..cus i think i'm still grounded."

he wasn't. he'd actually even got his phone back but he was just gonna need to put his energy into finding some cash and some downers or something. ned would get in the way.

by the time school ended, he'd loosened up a bit. took a nap in fourth. oh and flash was actually being tolerable. peter had even promised that ned could come over next weekend. this all of course went to _____. just guess.

him and ned walked out of school through the main entrance. ned's mom was picking him up and peter was gonna take the train. they were going down the stairs when a car pulled up. shiny black tesla. clearly made that year. everyone stopped to stare for a moment before carrying on. the windows had a dark tint so you couldn't see inside but peter was smart. he could also feel mr.stark's eyes on him. at that moment peter debated just turning around and walking back into the school but then he remembered what may had said. 

ned put a hand on his shoulder.

"today's a lab day?"

he shook his head. "i'll facetime you later. love you." 

"love you too!" ned replied.

he then walked off which left peter, on the stairs, glaring. when he approached the car, the back window rolled down. oh yay. not only was mr.stark there but so was mr.stark junior. great. 

"get in underoos." mr.stark said. "we're gonna get something to eat."

"i can't. sorry." 

mr. stark let out a sigh. "please peter." he begged.

thats how peter ended up in the car BUT before you say anything just know that... mr. stark NEVER said please without being threatened first so yes peter felt a little special. unfortunately the short lived pleasure he got from hearing mr. stark be the desperate one instead of him had immediately went away the second he sat down next to _harley_. he kept his eyes on the back of the passenger seat but in his peripheral vision he watched him. whoever was controlling this simulation must be super fucking proud.

god. peter definitely needed a fucking blunt.


	4. choices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter has an issue with walking away when upset if u haven’t noticed also to clarify:  
> peter is 17 y/o senior in high school but this is suppose to be set months after the events at homecoming.

they didn't go to a restaurant. 

in fact peter woke up and they were pulling into the compound's parking garage. he thought hard and tried to compose himself as the car stopped. he had 3 options. 

  1. get out of the car. swallow down his irritability from being clean. sit through dinner with stark and son. engage in small talk. make up excuse to go home. 
  2. get out of car. knock out happy first then move on to harley. after body slamming him, decapitate mr. stark. call uber home with his debit card. 
  3. get out of car. eat free meal. milk mr. stark’s newfound desperation. get money. buy oxy. 



number two was tempting but he was pretty sure happy wouldn’t go down without a fight. 

“kid! you comin?” snapped peter out of his thoughts. happy was talking to him AND holding the door open.....

strange but peter ignored it. he wasn’t in the headspace to be over analyzing everything they did tonight so he just took a deep breath and followed silently behind harley.

when they reached mr. stark’s floor, he started on dinner almost immediately. eggplant parm. 

“you gonna help pete?” mr. stark asked. 

peter tried to keep his face neutral as he watched harley slice eggplant on the island. what the fuck was going on? 

“no. im good,” he replied as he slid onto the couch “you’re fine without me.” 

yes. he knew he was being petty. mr. stark didn’t respond. he actually didn’t speak to peter again until after dinner was made so peter just sat on the couch and watched law & order or.. at least tried to watch law & order while simultaneously remaining mute to the laughing that rang from the kitchen.

harley laughed obnoxiously by the way. peter could tell that it was one of those look at my gums and teeth and tongue laughs. trash. 

eventually dinner was ready so they all filled in at the circular dining table. peter tried to get a gauge of the room's vibe but couldn't focus as harley ran his fingers over his eyebrow time after time again until mr. stark noticed and reached over to rub his back.

no, peter was not jealous. his food just happened to lose its flavor from that point on which left him to push it around. mr. stark surprisingly noticed that too.

"how's the food?" he asked peter after watching him for a few moments.

peter cleared his throat. fork down.

"it's fine." 

"just fine?" mr. stark faked an insulted scoff before continuing on. "i should take your suit for that underoos." 

peter had to physically restrain himself from going with aforementioned option two. 

"wouldn't be the first time." he couldn't help but snap.

it went back quiet. this time peter didn't need to 'gauge' anything. the air felt stiff and the law & order episode that still played in the background did nothing to cut the tension. peter took a gulp of water and tried to stay level headed. his spidey sense went off which did nothing to help his current anxiety so he braced himself for both a physical attack and a verbal one. he racked his brain for ideas about what it coul-

"you told him?!" peter spat out.

mr. stark swallowed his food and put down his fork before responding, "harley's gonna be living here kid. how do you expect me to hide the suit and everything from him?" 

harley was now looking at peter. _fork down_. 

see what peter meant about mr. stark? about how fucking insensitive he was? about his fucking inability to read a room? that was it. he pushed himself out of the chair and began stalking off to the bathroom. this time mr. stark followed him.

"PETE."

peter was already shutting the door behind him. pros of being bit by a spider. 

the lock clicked and he turned on the shower to block out the sounds of mr. stark's calls which were pointless seeing as he could open any door in the entire compound. after a minute or two peter heard him retreat. 

he took a breath and eyed the window. being at home didn't sound so bad but he also wasn't going to walk from upstate new york to queens. even if he wanted to leave, he couldn't because his book bag was currently in the living room a.k.a the line of fire. 

that’s how peter ended up on the floor looking at his phone.

2 texts from may. 1 missed call from ned. 2 from mj. 

[Fri 6:42 p.m.] **may💞💃**

Tony told me that he was surprising you with dinner!☺️  
  
Save me some....love you😘

_**pete** _

luv u too

**missed faceTime video call from nerd👾**

[Fri 7:46 p.m] **mj🔮**

i'm outside ur house

wya dork

**_pete_ **

srry im at my internship

r u ok

after replying, peter stood up and turned off the water. he listened for a moment and heard the sound of the dishwasher running and the TV being turned off. 

[Fri 7:50 p.m.] **mj** 🔮

i used the key in the plant to get in

when r u gonna b home

_**pete** _

like 30

gonna talk to mr.stark first

she didn't reply after that so peter gave himself a couple more minutes scrolling through twitter before leaving the bathroom. on the couch sat mr. stark. harley was nowhere to be found so peter chalked it up to him getting ready for bed. 

he wanted to ignore mr. stark but he knew that would just send him home more upset and just as poor as he came. 

he sucked it up and sat down at the opposite end of the couch. _now or never peter_.

"im sorry," he managed to say."i was just mad that you didn't tell me that you had a kid and that you invited me to your stupid family dinners. you never cooked with me ever but now all of a sudd-"

reel it in peter. 

that was enough to send mr. stark scooting down the couch. when he reached peter, he wrapped an arm around his shoulders. he then bowed his head and spoke.

"don't be sorry. i screwed up introducing you guys and i screwed this up too pete. that was all me.”

he gave mr. stark a small smile and got off the couch. 

"i should go. mj's sleeping over," he then grabbed his book bag and scratched at the back of his neck. "can i have some money for some comics for ned's birthday? i would ask may but.." peter trailed off as his heart pounded through his chest. 

mr. stark stared at him in silence. money was VERY new territory for them both and peter would beat himself up for asking later but it wasn't like he could ask may or rob someone. he was spiderman for christ sake. 

luckily mr. stark reached into his pocket without much fuss and pulled out a $100 bill. typical of him to carry around large bills in the digital age. when peter went to grab it, mr. stark's grip tightened. 

"come over on tuesday. me, you, and harley will check out the suit. how does that sound kid?" he seemed almost insecure when asking. 

"okay. i'll come." he would not.

happy drove him home. 


	5. not the same

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter 'n mj just bein cute

peter found mj asleep in his bed when he got home. he didn't understand why she'd come over, but peter didn't have to be a rocket scientist to know that whatever it was, wasn't good. he racked his brain for answers.

the theories that he came up with all centered around her mom being an ass. with that said, he lifted the covers off her body and quickly scanned her for any visible injuries.

she checked out okay so he sat on the edge of the bed. the voice, that had been dragging him since he'd left the compound, could still be heard.

it made it nearly impossible to really ignore the $100 bill burning a hole in his pocket. fortunately enough for him the sheer thought of a good high kept him from having a panic attack. 

he looked behind him to double check that mj was still asleep. luckily she was so, peter pulled his hoodie back on. he contemplated swinging his way over to his plug's apartment but he had learned quick not to bring expensive looking things around. rookie mistake. 

twenty minutes later peter had arrived. the door was opened by a girl who couldn't have looked more than fifteen. she didn't even invite peter in and instead left the door open as she walked away. the living room was an assault on peter's senses.  
  
music boomed through a beats pill on the table, the stench of smoke burned his nostrils, and the flashing blue lights from the TV automatically hurt his eyes.

"sit." was all the girl said before disappearing down the hall. one look at the couch and the mysterious stains that covered it was enough for him to decide against it. instead, he stood there for what felt like hours until out walked jj, college dropout turned drug dealer/soundcloud rapper, and said girl from before.

"yo what the fuck are you doing here?" he barked at him. 

"uh...i'm out so i jus-" peter stuttered before being interrupted. 

"oh so you thought you could just walk up in my crib right? man get the fuck out of here."

peter was stiff. the look that jj was giving him was borderline homicidal.

he began to leave. he really did but then...

**you're just gonna let him talk to you like that spiderbitch?**

peter almost immediately turned around and walked right back into the living room. jj had moved to smoking a joint on the couch as some reality tv bullshit played. upon noticing peter, he let out a humorless laugh and hopped up. 

"you're really pushing it. im trying not to beat your ass. im busy dipshit."

"you know what i want. it's late." peter replied. his watch felt tight. his shoes felt tight. his skin felt tight. there was no backing down. he could either use his super strength for a good cause or let this dude crack his head open like an egg. 

jj pressed his lips into a thin line but then broke out into a smile. he sighed before replying, "where's the money penis?" which made peter clench his jaw. this dude had no fucking idea. 

"i'll give you your money after." he shot back.

now he was getting confident and even took a step forward despite the couch which acted as a buffer between them. a tiny part of peter genuinely wanted to beat this dude's ass and maybe even steal all his shit but, that wasn't superhero-like.

also peter could imagine jj stalking him at school then probably just shooting him. both, solid reasons to remain still as a rock. luckily jj gave up the staring match and disappeared down the hall. he tried not to show it but inside peter was grinning hard as shit. 

jj came back with a small bag that couldn't have been much larger than a coin purse. peter perked up immediately. it had been too long. he couldn't even decide what he wanted but didn't want to get fucked over.

"twenty-five 20g valium for $40. thirty 10mg adderall for $30. four 5mg hydros for $15. six pressed xans for $15. 80mg oxy for $40 a pill," jj said as he began to pull out the bags. "take it or leave it dork."

all peter could do was scream internally. $100 now felt like fucking chump change. he made a mental note to figure out how to get some cash later. "okay. gimme everything except the oxys." 

by the time peter had left jj's, it was 10:43. he took the subway home and spent the entire time figuring out where to get a new dealer who wasn't such a jackass. he knew may was a nurse and....no. that was too far. too crackhead-like.

he also thought about how the hell he was gonna make a stash. his metabolism ate up pills as if they were skittles so he'd never been able to save anything for more than a week. times were getting tough though and he didn't have 45K to lose to drugs. it just couldn't happen. or....his brain started up like clockwork.

paid stark internship kind of had a ring to it.

mr. stark owed him.

shit, peter went to germany and got his ass whooped for FREE by grown ass adults. then he had been left to die by his date's dad which only ended up with peter being offered another unpaid job by mr. stark. anybody, recreational drug aficionado or not, would side with him.

luckily the apartment door had been left unlocked so he assumed mj was either still asleep or had never left his room. peter gulped down a bottle of water in the kitchen as he tried to make a pros and cons list of getting high tonight versus tomorrow.

pros:

\- high

\- yolo

\- mj's sleep

\- she probably already knows

cons: 

\- high

\- mj could wake up and catch him 

\- freak her out

\- make her snitch 

it took peter mustering up all of the willpower in his body for him to just choose bed. it was weird for him. he had spent countless nights laid out on his bathroom floor while the sound of may talking to a friend over the phone bled through the walls.

mj was just different. he wasn't just saying that because he'd had a crush on her. she was just...even if she already knew, it would probably be a different story if she found him projectile vomiting all over his floor. she was protective of both him and ned. probably more than he knew. so, he could hold off a night. for her.

when he entered his room, mj had moved to laying on her side. after putting away his new buys, peter changed his pajamas and grabbed a pillow off the bed. couch duty.

yeah, him and mj had cuddled before but after the thing at her house, mj needed space which he understood. it would also be really weird if they woke up wrapped in each others arms or something. he didn't need to further complicate any of his relationships.

the couch was a loveseat but he was short enough to fit without much complaint. for a while he lay there with his eyes closed then moved on to playing on his phone. after a couple hours, he had grown restless. he knew exactly what to take to knock him out but then mj appeared. he could tell she hadn't been asleep for a while either. 

"where'd you go?" mj asked gently, but without moving towards him. 

"dinner with mr. stark then just went out for a walk." he said.

mj laughed a little at that and came over. "in queens? at night? okay mr. badass."

"well what can i say." he joked while pulling her to sit next to him. she happily obliged and they just sat there. it was pleasant. 

then it wasn't.

"i ran away." she muttered as she rested her head against him. peter's skin felt tight again. suffocating.

**well look at that. you should've never gone over. you really should've never let her even leave the room but you're a coward and a pure fucking idiot. congrats peter. this is gold.**

a metallic taste filled his mouth. 

"you can stay here.”

mj snorted at that. "no," she said. “i can’t. my dad wants me.”

the way she spoke the last part made him uncomfortable so peter kept quiet. 

“he lives in long island with my stepmom.” she mumbled; long legs now curled into her chest, starring up at peter.

her face was visibly oily. her hair too. he could tell by the way she had carried herself that she was on the precipice of a breakdown. he recognized it was familiar. 

“ned would be sad,” was all he said. “he wouldn’t..it would be hard for him to forgive you.” 

“can’t think about ned.” urgency laced her tone. “peter, you can’t think about ned. he’s gonna live and be happy and rich and have cute ass kids and an amazing job. things are just gonna come together for him. even if they don't he'll still be ned. it’s not the same for us.”

he didn’t know what she meant but at the same time he also did. he knew that high school was high school. this was senior year. nothing would ever be the same. then the drugs? recipe for disaster. 

mj didn’t continue and peter didn’t press her for answers about her mom. or about her dad. or about her sisters. or cali. 

may came home to find them on the couch watching netflix. they pretended to be asleep until she had retired to her bed for the night then they climbed out onto the fire escape and watched the sun rise. unbelievably corny but mj still agreed.  
  
peter couldn’t lie. he’d been tempted all night to take something with her. be high together. he could already feel how tight she’d hold his hand and hear the way she would hum into his neck.

then came the bad thoughts and nauseating guilt. mj passed out in a puddle of her own vomit. mj weak and desperate. mj in jail or homeless.

peter couldn’t stand the thought of it. no, see he was spiderman so it would be okay for him. he could do whatever. anyone else? no. 

mj didn’t leave until around 11. she watched him watch netflix. she ate dry cereal. she showed him girls that she liked. she posted them on her ig story.

it was fun and he tried to hide his disappointment when she left but his smile was more of a grimace.

"love you dork," she said. she pulled him in for a hug. 

"yeah. love you too. stay safe mj." he mumbled into her hair.

and she left to her dad's. 

peter bit his lip the entire time as he walked back up to his door.

time to get fucked up.


	6. y u ignore me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter suprise suprise does drugs

monday was a good day. peter felt warm. he did his work. he fell asleep in the bathroom during gym. he even felt good enough to engage with ned which had been feeling like a chore lately.

the only issue was that ned was ignoring him.

it took him until 3rd period to notice that his imessage game requests, his memes, his texts, everything went unanswered. ned hadn't even wanted to be kahoot partners which seriously hurt. 

by the time peter had decided to confront him, the bell rang and ned stormed out of class before peter could even put his books away. he huffed and thought back to what mj said. instead of following, peter just let him go.  
  
he reminded himself that growing apart was natural. if ned had an issue then that’s his stupid fucking fault-not peter's-he decided. by the time peter snapped out of it, his physics notes were crumpled into his bookbag. deep breath. 

_1 mississippi. 2 mississippi. 3 mississippi._

let it go. 

peter decided to walk home instead of taking the train. god forbid he pass out on there again while high. 

home would probably be a 30 minute walk so he considered facetiming mj, but ultimately decided against it. she was probably busy packing. her oh so great saviour dad had cut her plan short.  
  
one week and then mj'd be right back on a bus from williams boulevard to queens village. it was, in retrospect, dumb to think that mj's mom would just let her go. 

instead, peter shot a quick picture of the sunset and sent it to her knowing she'd roast him. tonight, they’d talk. satisfied, he pressed out of their messages to see a text from mr. stark.

[Mon 3:46 p.m.] **mr.🤖**

Underoos 

Don’t forget the suit

and to say hi to may for me😁

peter read the last message over like 3 more times. first of all, ew?

secondly, yes originally, peter had no intention of even going over to work on his suit with mr. stark and harley, but then shit changed... specifically paid stark internship flashing through his brain in gold letters.

he figured it would probably be his best shot to get quick cash otherwise he'd end up in delmar’s sweeping up napkins and choking on train smoke.

when peter got home, may of course was nowhere to be found. she wasn't scheduled for night shift but he still assumed that she was working. 

she hadn’t left any money or sent him anything so he figured she’d be home by dinner.

peter knocked out his homework in an hour flat. 2 worksheets and an essay. when they were done, he threw his phone under his bed then headed into the bathroom.

some weird snapchats and desperate _‘u_ _up?_ ’ texts to happy had definitely taught him that he was better off without it while under the influence. crawling under his bed to find anything proved to be a feat even for his sober mind. 

peter pee’d, then plopped on the floor. in the cabinet under the sink were cleaning supplies they’d never used, a foot spa that ben had given may six christmases ago, shampoo, a box of soap, cotton balls, and- well guess. 

peter took four hydros and stripped down to his boxers primarily for comfort and so that he could hop on the toilet if may came in.

laid out on the bathroom floor, he began regretting not bringing his phone. ned probably called and facetimed and DM'd. peter wasn't even mad at him anymore for being mad. he'd probably had a bad day which was understan- 

it hit him all at once. the itch. the euphoria. the nausea. it was a rollercoaster that he couldn't say he hated. he DID hate what followed though which was him dry heaving on the floor for 20 minutes before essentially dragging himself out of the bathroom.

peter and throw up definitely had a complex relationship. he'd only barfed 4 times pre-bite. pre-drugs.

1\. the time may and ben had planned on taking him to the grand canyon when he was 11 only to discover that peter was not a fan of long car rides.

2\. the time may had made clam chowder. 

3\. the time may had made lobster bisque.

4\. when ben kicked the can.

with that said, peter probably should've swore off drugs after the first time he'd almost threw up his gallbladder but hey, he wasn't a quitter. 

the only catch is that no matter how many times you’ve yaked before, your throat still fucking burns just the same so peter focused on wobbling to the kitchen for some water without busting his ass. it worked. to an extent.

he’d made it down the hall and to the entry of the living room before _boom_! there was his aunt, dressed head to toe in scrubs, with some dude. kissing. parker luck.

that's when peter lost his lunch...and breakfast. 

”i’ll get something to clean this up. don’t worry.” couch dude said.

he didn’t even register that may had been speaking to him until he was being cradled into her chest. "petey, you look dead!" she wailed.

he knew she was being overdramatic so he tried not to lean into her too much but coming down fucking sucks. 

“may ‘m k. just sick.” peter mumbled into her neck to which she replied with a slew of _it’s okay_ ’s. she lead/dragged him back to bed.

”here,” she pushed a bottle of water up to his lips. “don’t you worry about it. you just rest. okay?”

”ok.”

may pressed a kiss to his forehead after helping him climb into bed and peter essentially passed out like a light.

**Tues 12:46 p.m.**

passed out indeed. peter woke up 14 hours later in sweats. he fished his phone out from under his bed despite the pounding in his head and jelly feeling that had taken over his body. his first instinct was to check his messages.

**missed facetime video call from mj🔮**

Mon 11:32 p.m. **mj🔮**

attachment: 1 image

Tues 6:32 a.m. **may💞💃**

Good morning! Sorry I had to leave. Nobody would cover my shift :(

Stay in Bed. Drink the water bottles I put on your nightstand. Call if you need anything. <3

**pete**

ok love u too

Tues 9:21 a.m. **mj🔮**

wyd

**pete**

sorry in bed sick wbu

Tues 11:49 a.m. **mr.🤖**

Heard you threw up on your aunt's boyfriend 

Tues 12: 05 a.m. **mr.🤖**

Ctpyu

peter's brows furrowed in confusion at the last message but didn’t dwell on it.

no school meant the whole apartment to himself, so peter laid in bed for a little longer. he was about ready to drift off when the sound of the apartment door being opened sent peter scrambling to hide. every bad situation he could imagine ran through his head. stupid fucking spidey sense hadn't worked right in months.

peter couldn’t put on his suit and risk exposing his address so instead he just grabbed the fake lightsaber that ned had got him. 

the door closed and his stomach felt like it was being twisted up. fuck fuck fuck. 

his door was pushed open. “underoos?”

_thank god._

he stumbled out less than gracefully to be met with the sight of mr. stark, sunglasses and all, in his bedroom. it was a lot. “are you okay?” mr. stark asked as he stepped forward.

”yeah, i just thought..um.” peter tried to articulate but his brain felt like mush.

the lightsaber had long ago fallen on the floor which allowed peter to lightly pull his hair with both hands. 

“hey peter just,” mr. stark grabbed his arm but peter found himself immediately pulling away. “it’s okay kid. i just came to get you. i texted you about it. harley taught me all these new text acronyms, but next time i’ll knock.” 

“ok.” was all peter said as he began to calm down. his anxiety paired perfectly with his paranoia. what if vulture had sent someone to kill him? or his aunt? what if jj was trying to rob him? what if on- 

“hey, kid? are you okay?” mr. stark asked. gone was the playful banter that dominated most of their conversations months ago. now it was awkward moment after awkward moment. peter didn't feel like arguing anymore but that didn't mean he wanted to be all kumbaya.

“yeah,” peter replied, wrapping his arms around his torso. "w- why are you here?"

”may called," mr. stark let out a sheepish smile. "figured you could use a checkup. my doc could look you over. make sure all parts are on and functioning.”

”oh,” peter said "i'm fine now. i think it's something i ate."

"yeah? well i still don't want you here alone. c'mon." he whined.

there it was: desperation. perfect. peter would soak it up later. now, he had to get his 'bag'.

"i really want to get some rest but i can stay for a little. i have to talk to you about something."

mr. stark did one of those stupid side smiles. "yeah? absolutely. you'll be back in bed before you know it." 

peter nodded quickly, sidestepping him and heading to the bathroom.

he rinsed his face, brushed his teeth, and stared at the cabinet under the sink trying to be smart. outside, peter could hear mr. stark shuffling around. 'be smart peter' he could practically hear ben say.

be smart.

be smart.

be smart.

after he got dressed, peter shoved a baggie into the pocket of his jeans.

when they got outside, happy was nowhere to be found which was weird considering the fact that mr. stark barely drove. matter fact he detested driving in new york. it didn't take spidey sense to see the red flags. obviously, mr. stark was spying.

it became especially obvious when mr. stark started asking him about school-nerd, mg, book club, etc. it was amusing but after a while the conversation died down. mr. stark barely even knew him so it made sense. it took peter rolling up his window for mr. stark to try again. this time it got gross.

"you know, your aunt isn't that bad looking," he started. "she's also not that old. definitely old but you know like not heart medication old."

"okay?" peter said, clearly confused. his aunt wasn’t even fifty so yeah he knew she wasn't geriatric. "what's your point?”

"kid, my point is that she's not old. with that said, it's important to remember that she's got some years left. i know it’s been just you guys for a while, but your aunt isn't old. get it?" mr. stark mumbled, eyes flicking between peter and the road.

"okay?"

"you get it right?" he asked. "she’s just at.....a stage in her w- womanhood where she is ready to seek companionship on her own terms."

"yeah," peter replied, trying to stifle the smile working its way onto his face. "i get it." 

there was a short moment of silence before mr. stark spoke again.

"she made me say that." 

"yeah i figured as soon as you started talking about womanhood." 

they laughed and mr. stark turned the music back up. peter knew that it didn't hold much if any weight but it made him feel better about asking. 

the rest of the ride went without a hitch. when they got to the compound, there wasn't much time for them to really do anything seeing as mr. stark was basically dragged away from peter the second they entered his floor.

pepper was nice enough to invite peter to tag along but meetings just weren't his thing. instead he took a look around knowing that harley was probably nearby. thankfully, the living room and kitchen were clear. 

the fridge was unsurprisingly filled to the brim with vegan crap that mr. stark was probably bullied into getting. he looked through some stuff but settled on some water.

peter barely even got halfway before harley entered. right off the bat peter noted that he reeked of that spicy cologne that mr. stark liked. 

he prepared for another silent showdown, but harley clearly wasn't in the mood. once again, peter didn't need spidey sense to see red flags. he felt the anger crackling around him in waves. in peter's peripheral vision, he saw harley quickly circle the island to stare at him face to face.

peter swallowed and sat up. he sent a quick prayer hoping that he wouldn't have to fight. frankly, his throat was still sore from last night. 

"you must be here to beg my dad for more money." harley spat at him, confirming his anger.

peter thanked himself for swallowing earlier because if not, he would have currently been on the floor passed out from choking. “w- i dont..what?” was all he could get out. 

this only pissed harley off more. “don’t play dumb parker. you know exactly what you’re doing and so do i. you probably stalked me on the train for this specific shit.” 

“what the fuck are you talking about?” peter said quickly. he slid off the stool now clearly upset. "look, you have the wrong one."

“wrong one? i don’t know who you think you are but you’re not exactly iago. you are painfully obvious idiot.” harley argued.

“you have no idea what you're talking about and whatever you think you know about mr. stark or me is wrong.” 

"keep playing dumb parker." harley's death glare only grew more intense. he came to stand right in front of peter. "play stupid games, get stupid prizes. believe that you're definitely gonna get everything coming to you." he then turned and stormed into the hallway.

peter let out a breath that he didn't realize that he'd been holding. threatening him? accusing him of being a fucking gold digger?

peter had every fucking right to ask mr. stark for money.

the mr. stark who'd ignored all his calls and texts. the same dude who'd taken his suit when it mattered. the mr. stark who'd let peter get a building dropped on him all because he couldn't fathom peter being more than a dumb kid. 

peter could feel himself getting worked up. heart beating faster. 

he stood, steaming, in the kitchen for a couple more minutes before retiring to his room.

mr. stark had made him a room for future avenger stuff but of course it didn't work out-not that peter would go back and choose any different. he felt nauseous the entire elevator ride down. 

the diazepam was practically singing to him. the only issue was that this wasn't queens and he wasn't in a two bedroom apartment.

this place was legit and packed to the brim with people who would kick his door down in a heartbeat at no response. jarvis was nice but just like karen, would turn on peter in a heartbeat.

it made him anxious just thinking about it but...it also made him more intrigued. druggie side of his brain was fueled even more by the danger of being caught. it was fucked up. HE was fucked up. 

he was fucked up when he went into the bathroom attached to his room and turned on his shower. he was especially fucked up when he took his phone and used it to crush the pills in the baggie. he was literally fucked up when he found himself once again laid on a bathroom floor, feeling good. like super fucking good. dreamy and slow too. 

thank god for benzos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> avril lavigne hive stand up! been channeling her in spirit to finish this.

**Author's Note:**

> stay home if possible


End file.
